Please Drink Responsibly
Three friends that are here to educate you about the world of beverage in an inviting and easy to listen to way. Without taking ourselves too seriously we also aim to inform the listener about very interesting spirits and liquors, all while drinking them down... responsibly of course.
Please Drink Responsibly
Ep. 124 | Pour Decisions
Ask us anything, we know it all!
As I poured myself a glass of the Sylvaner, I couldn't help but think about how wine, like life, is all about balance and discovery. That's the essence of what we've captured in this auditory journey—you're invited to sip along with us, Keegan, Norm, and Zach, as we journey through Italy's Alto Adige with its unique varietal, ponder crafting a sangria as exotic as yuzu or lychee, and swap stories of Willamette Valley Chardonnays. But it wouldn't be our show without a twist; we meander through a humorous debate, touch on the stark realities of homelessness amidst Portland's vineyards, and even share a hint of risqué escapades from our past adventures.
Whiskey aficionados, prepare to be whisked away to Portland's renowned whiskey library—an experience replete with anticipation and the gratification of discovery. Imagine crafting a bourbon with a punchy rye kick or delving into the distinctive taste of blue corn whiskey. We bring these spirited discussions home with personal anecdotes, the strategy behind snagging that last-minute reservation, and reflections on a server's expertise that turned a tasting into an exploration of flavor and story.
Now, let's shake things up and stir some candor into our conversation about the hospitality industry. We dive headfirst into the sad farewell to Lost Spirits Distillery, debate the merits of their rum, and mull over the spectacle of their entertainment. We also dissect the high-octane world of competitive bartending and peel back the layers of molecular mixology, without forgetting to leave you with a cherished lavender gin cocktail recipe. Wrapping up, we garnish our chat with a humorous twist on states with no sales tax and the lighter side of life's darker moments, all shaken together with irreverent humor and a dash of insight into the adult world's age restrictions. Join us for this episode—it's one for the books and your taste buds alike!
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Welcome to you. Got Mail the manliest podcast on the internet.
Speaker 2:I'll do this later.
Speaker 1:Hello Welcome. Welcome to the podcast. You're kicking back Keegan, norm and Zach. What to do, brothers?
Speaker 2:That's what to do. What's up?
Speaker 3:I sent this post to our barber, okay.
Speaker 2:I want to see Nice, just as this lap dance could use a fart or two. Oh, want to see Nice.
Speaker 3:Just as this lap dance could use a fart or two.
Speaker 2:Oh my Lord yeah she'd be giving crazy haircuts, yeah she really do. Yeah.
Speaker 1:She do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's pretty funny.
Speaker 1:Yo dudes, Yo Yo.
Speaker 2:What's up, my guy, we're drinking wine today. Oh yeah, brother.
Speaker 1:Shocker Well, dude, fucking sound a little more excited. Shocker Woo All right, so I don't really know much about this, but I got it and I was told that it was pretty good and worth a try All right, yeah, so it's Sylvanner from Alto Adige, which is in Italy, and Sylvanner's the grape. I'm going to assume Silvaner's the grape, silvaner is the grape.
Speaker 2:Sounds like Silvanus.
Speaker 1:It's not a super known and super massly produced grape, so it's like one of these cool regional little things to sort of try Do you know anything about it? Although I know that Silvaner also, they make pretty decent in Germany and, I believe, austria or Australia, austria, I think. And yeah, so not a super, super mass-produced grape, I'm excited to see how it is.
Speaker 2:This is a butterscotch dum-dum, so we'll see how this goes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have literally no preconceived notion about going into this. I don't know what it's going to taste like.
Speaker 2:It smells pretty good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it smells, nice. Very pear-y to me Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:It's not what I thought it was gonna taste like, but that's pretty good it's got like a little floral bitterness to it it's got a lot more going on than I thought it's got some viscosity to it. I like the legs the legs.
Speaker 1:There's a little, there's not much acid on this.
Speaker 2:I don't think let me get another get back in there get back in there, champ, there's a little.
Speaker 1:There's not much acid on this. I don't think Let me get another.
Speaker 3:Get back in there. Get back in there champ Me halfway through the orgy.
Speaker 2:Are you talking to yourself or the guy you're with?
Speaker 3:Guys- Nice, all dudes? No, there's like a couple chicks, but it's mostly dudes.
Speaker 2:A lot of DPA happening. Yeah, balls to balls nice, all dudes.
Speaker 3:Uh no, there's like a couple chicks, but it's mostly dudes.
Speaker 2:A lot dpa happening. Uh yeah, balls the balls. Yeah, same whole stuff, dude. Fuck yeah, this shit's so fucking hot.
Speaker 3:Yeah, this is nice.
Speaker 2:I could drink this and I will yeah, this shit's pretty good, it's not bad it's not bad, it's not it's.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna be honest with you, it's not really my style.
Speaker 2:I like this I like this.
Speaker 3:Put this in a like. I would drink this by the pool.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:This gives me a little like Falanghina vibes, a little bit, yeah, a little bit. Falanghina is definitely not as sweet you could put.
Speaker 3:It still has a sweet tint to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:A white sangria.
Speaker 2:We'll make a yuzu sangria with this.
Speaker 3:Ooh, yeah, yeah, that'd be fun, get funky, that does sound delicious or lychee.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we could do that Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, that's why I turn wine into cocktails Keegan.
Speaker 3:Yep. Thank you, we you can do that shit, that's my job.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I drank a lot of wine while I was in portland. Oh yeah, it's pretty delish do you have any?
Speaker 3:uh, the willamette valley chardonnays, like uh zach and campos, asked you to yeah, I had two.
Speaker 2:I had one from four graces and one from domain drone. Nice, they both were pretty good domain is a name I recognize yeah, we carried four graces and one from domain drone.
Speaker 3:Nice, they both were pretty good.
Speaker 2:Domain is a name I recognize yeah, we carried four graces too, do we yeah?
Speaker 3:whether what you know nor just their pino.
Speaker 2:Oh okay, yeah, well, at least we used to. I don't know, no one sold a bottle a while, so I don't know if we still have it right. Um, but yeah, all the wineries out there were sick. Dude, it's really pretty up there, super beautiful any.
Speaker 3:Uh, so I know the homeless population you were talking about the rest of portland, fucking dog shit were there any homeless people in wine country?
Speaker 2:no, all right, yeah, like just some guy sleeping in the graves listen, dude, if I'm gonna live out in portland, I might as well live on the vineyard, you know if I'm gonna be homeless out there I think they do a pretty good job of keeping their vineyards pretty secure, rodent free, because those are like multi-million dollar vineyards that's where the rich uh portland.
Speaker 1:I'm sure, I'm sure there's not really too many that are trying to live out there anyway. I mean, how could you really live off the land and fucking?
Speaker 2:just no, because all of them are on drugs, that's. All they care is where to get their drugs, and you can survive off, just grapes with yeah that's food and water right there. Yeah, but they don't give a shit.
Speaker 3:They want hard drugs yeah, they want crack cocaine and methamphetamine.
Speaker 1:Dude they were on so you gotta imagine the doo-doo would just not be good after just grapes and drugs. I just the doo-doo's gotta be crazy after that I bet it's really good for the soil. Yeah, oh, oh, let's talk no, no, no, no, no, backtrack, backtrack, dude actually one of the one of the guys at four great.
Speaker 2:Well, the the guy at four graces. He bought out a sample of like three of their soils that are at different elevations, that they grow their grapes in.
Speaker 3:What do you mean? He bought out.
Speaker 2:He brought them out, he had them in jars and he was like, yeah look, these are the difference in soils. That's cool, even though they're only like a couple hundred feet apart.
Speaker 3:He's like dude, it's different. Could you very noticeable difference?
Speaker 2:In color for sure. Te, he's like dude. Could you different, very noticeable difference in color, for sure? Texture was somewhat similar, like based on the look. But yeah, and what's so, what's crazy? I guess there's like a fucking, there's some kind of volcano that's over there yeah, mount st helen yeah, right. So apparently a long time ago it erupted and it traveled like for fucking ever.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like it made its way like really far without solidifying. So like a lot of wine country has volcanic soil, because of the eruption. So that was pretty cool to learn about. But yeah, jomar hooked it up. Dude, we didn't have to pay for a fucking thing. They poured us a shit ton of wine, way more than was on their tasting menu. They gave us tours of all the venues there's a ton of. Volcanoes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah I. Oh sorry, no, it was the eruption of Mount Mazama, which is now Crater Lake that sounds close In Southern Oregon was more violent. I don't really remember I was drinking a lot of wine while they were talking to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, wine's good stuff, though. Oh, that's in Washington. I got three bottles at the house. I have two Pinot Noirs, one from Coudetere and one or sorry, I said Pinot Noirs coup de terre and one or sorry, I said pinot noir. I have two rosés, one from coup de terre, one from um domain druin, and then we bought a krista, bought some chardonnay from these, like after we left a vineyard, we went to this like the back of somebody's bus and I wish we went to like this.
Speaker 2:it was like this super hipster warehouse that housed like a little market, a pizza place in a restaurant and a bar, and they're all separate entities, you know, but they're all just hanging out in the same building, um. So we went there for pizza, cause one of the guys at the winery was like you got to go get some pizza there and it was fucking good ass pizza. It was hella good pizza. Um, like you got to go get some pizza there and it was fucking good ass pizza. It was hella good pizza. Um, but in the little market there was these two girls that were like pouring samples of their wine it's called landmass, so chris about a bottle of their chardonnay and it's like we already drank it it was fine wine grown by women.
Speaker 3:It was okay. Not as good as how men grow grapes. Am I right? Come on yeah.
Speaker 1:Actually the person I feel bad, I feel bad, I go back on that.
Speaker 2:The person in charge of Domain Drune is a girl. Yeah, because she's the daughter of the dude who started it.
Speaker 3:Cheers to that Almost lost me as a customer. I'm back.
Speaker 2:And she lives in France anyway. So Ew, yeah, she apparently comes down. That's pretty cool. She stays for the harvest of the grapes through.
Speaker 3:When they uh start the process and then when they go to their first press, the guy says she flies back to france so I know, in like france and italy, when it comes time to harvest the grape, it's like a fucking party, you know, uh, and they have a really, really good time, and it takes like several days and everybody's like having huge meals out in the vineyards and they're all doing all that shit. Is it the same in American?
Speaker 2:culture as well. Based on how that guy was talking about how they do it, I bet you it gets pretty lit at the vineyards. I feel like a bunch of people probably roll through and shit Dude. He says they still have certain wines, depending on the grape, that they still press by hand. So they stand in the vats and literally stand on the grapes and fucking do all that shit did you get hooked up on that? No, because grapes weren't in season.
Speaker 3:Oh, when is uh, when do you harvest grapes?
Speaker 1:I have no idea. I think it's like twice whenever's clever baby but is there like a general?
Speaker 2:I think it's two different times a year? I should know the answer and I don't know, don't know. But I think the growing seasons.
Speaker 1:I think growing seasons are different for different ones especially if you're doing like ice wines and stuff Like those get harvested later. And you know, late harvest wines, those get harvested later. So it's literally like whenever's clever is for the, you know, for the winemaker, essentially Like that's like the whole thing about a winemaker is they're the ones that decide when's a good time to turn this into wine, you know interesting like so it's like.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like I'm I'm sure that there is a more technical answer for it, but as far as I know it all, it all kind of lies in the winemaker's hands and how they want to you know go after using those grapes if we want to get into making a spirit or a wine, anything, uh, we should probably get started now, because that shit takes like years it takes like 20 years if you want to.
Speaker 3:You know, barrel age, some shit. Yeah, wine, I don't, I don't actually know start I don't even.
Speaker 2:I mean I don't even. How do you even start a mash build? Uh, do you know how do you?
Speaker 1:start, though, and mash build. Do you know how do?
Speaker 2:you start, though, and you build it. I know, but where are we getting our shit from? I?
Speaker 3:think it depends First what we want to make. So if we're going to do something like we're going to do a bourbon and a rye, okay, so you got to find corn and then you got to find rye, and then if you want to throw other things in there, like single malt, barley and whatever, you just gotta make sure you follow the guidelines there and then you throw it all in there with some water and some yeast, into one of those big oh what's the word for it?
Speaker 3:I don't remember and let it ferment and then, after it goes through a fermentation, then you can distill it.
Speaker 2:I think they literally just call them fermentation vats.
Speaker 3:Okay, and we can use like an old wooden one, which would probably be cheaper and used by a lot of other people and that'll give it kind of a more complex flavor. Or we can go with stainless steel which is going to be more reliable. Like, where do we do this? Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I think we'd probably have to partner up, you'd have to outsource a lot of it. Probably that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:Like at this point, it would be I don't know about impossible.
Speaker 2:I feel like we could make our own mash build.
Speaker 3:But we could like tag in on.
Speaker 2:But then we'd have to outsource how to everything else.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I honestly like Nevada. I just don't want to make the spirit here. I don't like the weather or the climate.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but make the spirit here. I don't like the weather or the climate, yeah, but what if we did make it here and we made the best spirit that's come out of nevada and that's like our thing low bar uh, you know what I'm saying like I think smoke wagon is probably the best thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you think we?
Speaker 2:could do better. Maybe I don't know, maybe I have no idea maybe don't let your dreams be dreams yeah make them reality. Let's do this actually, but turn off the podcast let's go make some whiskey. Make some whiskey hey guys, last episode of the podcast. Ever look out for our whiskey.
Speaker 1:You got male whiskey no we can come up with a better name than that uh, male whiskey, yeah, yeah, so perfect, but we're gonna spell it m a I l, yes.
Speaker 2:Smell it M-A-I-L. Yes. Mail whiskey.
Speaker 1:And we mail you the whiskey. Yeah exactly.
Speaker 3:We will mail you it In an envelope, no bonus.
Speaker 2:But the envelope's shaped like a dude.
Speaker 3:Yes, this is getting better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we nailed this one dude. This is killer. Yeah, this is sick dude.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but we got to start now, that way we can age it for I don't know, well, a minimum of three years, I don't know what it is.
Speaker 2:I forget A minimum of two years in new chart American oak barrels.
Speaker 3:I'm too far removed.
Speaker 1:We can do whatever we want. The world is ours.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean we just couldn't call it long enough. I don't know what we'd call it, just whiskey, we would just call it whiskey. Whiskey yeah.
Speaker 2:Whiskey.
Speaker 3:But yeah, I'd probably want to do a bourbon. We could do a high rye bourbon, though it could be like 51-49.
Speaker 2:Oh dude, let's fucking cook the fuck out of the bourbon.
Speaker 3:But then we got to figure out what kind of corn and what kind of rye? Corn and what kind of rye?
Speaker 1:because I'm sweet corn.
Speaker 3:There's different kind, yeah, just canned corn. Blue corn, blue corn, yeah sure, yeah, yeah well, I don't know, maybe what if it's no.
Speaker 2:I had blue corn whiskey at that whiskey bar and it was fucking good. It was really good, all right. Blue corn that was the new one I tried. It was like a texas blue corn whiskey and it was fucking good, dude yeah, yeah, so how much, uh.
Speaker 3:So how did you get in? Because didn't you have to make a reservation or have it, so you had to be a member.
Speaker 2:But if you're not a member, you can go same day and ask to be put on the wait list and if they get room at some point, they put you, they'll, they'll text you and they'll be like hey, you can come in. Um, so luckily, like, our hotel is literally attached. It's the same building. Okay, it's like one huge building, sure, and like our hotels most of it, like you can't get to the whiskey library from inside our hotel, but you walk outside and you walk around the the corner of the building and it's in the same building all right?
Speaker 2:um. So, like we were, we got the hotel, we checked in and then I was like, well, let's go get on the wait list for the whiskey library, since we have nothing to do today. So it was like five 30. So at five 30, we walked in and they're like, yeah, we'll text you. At like nine or nine 30. So four hours later they're like you might be able to get in. Cool, and you did, and they did. At nine o'clock we got texts and so we fucking got up, we walked right over and we sat down no food right, just no.
Speaker 2:They had food, but we didn't know they had food. Okay, we should have I, because I would probably would have rather ate there. We ate, I like this brewery that was by our hotel, yeah, and then the food that was probably the worst meal we had in portland. Other than that, the food out there was fucking great, pretty bomb, and I bet you the food at the Whiskey Library was fire Probably. What was your bill at the Whiskey Library? It wasn't that bad, it was like $120.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's not bad yeah because Krista, jacob and Michelle just ordered cocktails. I ordered a flight, so my flight was probably like.
Speaker 2:Now why would you do that? Oh, I guess they are. They don't like whiskey. I just I, and I even told them to like krista was like oh, I'll go with you. And I told jacob michelle. I was like, if you guys don't want to come, it's I know it's not your thing, just don't come. Like you guys can go, do whatever you want. Um, so but they're like, no, we'll come, we'll have a drink. And I was like, all right. So they all got a cocktail, I got a whiskey, did they have?
Speaker 3:anything other than whiskey.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so actually they have the second largest agave spirit selection in North America, right.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:So they said they also call themselves the Montanomo Mezcal Library because how big their agave spirit selection is. But I only drink whiskey. I was only there for the whiskey.
Speaker 3:So was the flight like a build your own flight yeah, so the dude.
Speaker 2:That's why I'm saying like I think I'm a pretty knowledgeable bartender. But then after I talked to our server, I was like, dude, I don't know fucking anything, dude, because like they carry all that whiskey and I just I sat down and I was like, hey, I can do a flight right, because I'd seen it on tiktok. Yeah, I was like, hey, I can do a flight right Because I'd seen it on TikTok. I was like, oh yeah, absolutely you can do a flight. He's like anything you usually drink. So I was just like, yeah, I'd like something like a peated scotch. I was like I usually drink like Lagavulin and I like Lafroi, but it doesn't have to be that peaty.
Speaker 2:And then he was like he recommended some. He described me the exact flavor profile, what kind of what it was aged in, how long it was aged for, just off the top of his head. He's like, yeah, try this. It's from Islay, aged in this barrel, pretty peated. He's like you should like it. And I was like then you got a rye recommendation and he's like what do you use to drink? And then I told him they just spewed out like three more same exact information on all three and he did that two more times for the other two whiskeys. I got the last one I was, then I got a japanese whiskey and the last one I was like honestly anything new and weird. And he and that's the blue corn texas thing yeah he's like this came out not too long ago.
Speaker 2:he's like it it's made with blue corn. He's like it's pretty weird, but it's good. I was like all right cool, but, dude, he knew everything about every whiskey in their whiskey library. That's pretty cool, dude. The book is like that. It's literally like the size of like two.
Speaker 3:No, it might be all three. Oh, so the menu is like a coffee table book, like two of those.
Speaker 2:Yeah, literally.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like two of those compositional books stacked on top of each other. That's how thick it was. It had a table of contents. That's wild.
Speaker 3:And there was like anything you're out of.
Speaker 2:There was like 50 fucking. There was at least 50 whiskeys on every page Right and back. Yeah, so 50, so 100 on one page and they dude. This guy knew every single whiskey in the book is what it felt like.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Which is fucking wild.
Speaker 3:Probably not.
Speaker 2:He probably had like 10 that he had all the information on of each type Based on how that place was run and we talked to multiple people because it almost like we had like three servers at one point. It might just like pool everything, bro. Those motherfuckers know so much about whiskey Like it was fucking insane, like everyone knew everything about all the whiskey. Yeah, that's crazy. That just must be their life, like they just must. Like they go to work, they do their job, then they get off work and they just study whiskey.
Speaker 3:Is it okay if I have more of this wine?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay. Great, not sure if you're saving the bottle for no, no, I already poured me more.
Speaker 2:Oh, he might have. He might have poured me more. Okay, yeah, he poured me this I poured.
Speaker 1:I poured you more as well yeah, I've just been drinking it.
Speaker 2:It's good but honestly though, um, I would go back to portland, but I think I would just do wine country, because it was really pretty and a lot of fun and wine was really cool, dude. So what was really cool? So, jomar, our general manager at our job, he's really good friends with the guy that With everybody Well, yeah, with everyone, he knows everyone everywhere. But he's actually really good friends with the guy who bought the land and started Coup de Terre, because Coup de Terre is a newer, are they really?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think 1996, 5, 1991 or something Somewhere in the 90s, though this guy bought. He looked like he was in his late 50s. Maybe he didn't even look that old, but he's the guy that bought the land.
Speaker 2:Which is it late 50s or not old, and I mean my dad's 65 he looked younger he looked younger than my dad, so, um, so this guy is the guy who started it all and jomar's actually like good friends with him, so he actually he came out himself and knew, he knew we were gonna be there. So he came to like just hang out with us and he sat there and talked with us for like 30, 45 minutes and he was a really cool dude and poured you some cool shit dude. Yeah, well, he didn't, but the dude who worked for him, who was also a really cool guy, did, and they were just like sitting there, like chatting with us. They weren't that busy that day. Those I guess they must be really slow during non-grape growing seasons, because every tasting room we went into didn't have that many people in. Yeah, but they all look, they all still were like so pretty, because the only thing that's not growing at that time is grapes. Yeah, right, there's still hella, trees and grass and like it looks fucking beautiful. So like, uh, and you still can see like the stumps of where the grapes eventually grow and stuff, and it's cool to see it all laid out.
Speaker 2:But, um, but like even just in there and getting to talk to people like that that just know so much and they like. They just want you to know why they like the wine and they're like they. They not necessarily even are like forcing it on you. They're like. You like what you like. You might like this, you might like the next thing, you might not like any of it, but they just want you to like, know about it. And then they pour it for you and you sit there and you drink and it's really. It's cool. Even dude Jacob got like into it. Jacob was like I could do this all the time. Yeah, I was like. I never thought Jacob would like something like this, but Jacob was hella into it.
Speaker 2:It's more fun when you're at the source, like going to a distillery or a brewery whatever it's so fun, it's more fun also hearing from the people who actually care about the thing Right and make it themselves.
Speaker 3:They made it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's how much they care about it, but when you're talking to a bartender, they might really like something, but like they didn't make it, like I didn't have a, like.
Speaker 2:I always tell people I like basil hayden's, but I don't make that shit. Yeah, I'm not, I can't sit there and tell you every detail about it, no, but like like, I love when people can and they're like yeah, dude, this is what we do, and like how we do it, and it's really cool. It was dope, so I'd go back just to go to wine country, because the wine country out there sick dude yeah, I still haven't even been to a vineyard yeah, we should go not even you didn't even go up to perron.
Speaker 2:You haven't done that. That's even pretty cool. Perron has like a vineyard.
Speaker 1:It's pretty dope it's actually super cool. I heard about it. I I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 2:It's nice, the wine's like fine the wine from what I remembered. I remember I wasn't like, oh, this is incredible. But also I was like 22 when I went, yeah, and I probably didn't appreciate that stuff that much, but like the vineyard itself is really cool up there yeah. It's a really cool spot.
Speaker 1:Interesting. I might have to check it out, bro, yeah.
Speaker 3:Did you know, speaking of, like you know, vineyards and breweries and stuff, uh, the lost spirits distilleries shutting down? Yeah, dude, I saw that, that's crazy. I just went there, I just banged out in the bathroom.
Speaker 2:That was crazy yeah, dude place is going downhill. It's probably because you did that and now they have health code violations.
Speaker 1:You know, you're the reason, I'm the reason why get, get them, get me. What are they going to replace it with?
Speaker 2:I don't know. They didn't announce, they just said it's going to be in the cell.
Speaker 3:But to be honest, their rum wasn't great. It wasn't.
Speaker 1:It was not great.
Speaker 3:I've tried well, all of them, yeah, several times, and I was not. I was impressed by the process of how they made the rum because I thought that was really cool, but the overall product just came out very, man, not great yeah. I could agree. I could agree Very strong.
Speaker 1:It was a cool experience, though Cool experience.
Speaker 2:Really fun time though. Yeah, when do they close? They say I want to say Because I still haven't been.
Speaker 3:You should try by the end of this month, I think been. You should try uh by the end of this month I think, oh shit, I don't. Maybe maybe next month I'm broke. Yeah, maybe next month. Uh, it's not too expensive, I think it's like 50 bucks a ticket okay, that's not bad.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's just a date night, you know. Yeah, uh, but it's super cool because they have all these different acts that go on. They got, uh, I don't know if they ever had a bearded lady, but they got like circus show actually like they got like a lady with a snake, and then they got some dude doing like Like a sword swallower, Sword swallower aerialist.
Speaker 3:A lot of burlesque. Cool, really cool shit, honestly. They got a midget Yep Dude, hell yeah. And then they got the guy from Drinkmasters who makes all their cocktails and I was like no wonder this place has gone downhill.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Boom. Yeah, I was like you you. They picked you out of all the great bartenders in Vegas.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it makes sense, though Does it Clout?
Speaker 2:There's one of the clout, it's the clout bro, Of course. That guy's going to sit up here. Yeah, he was on TV, yeah, there yeah, he was on tv.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, come see the guy that was on tv, oh yeah, no, it makes sense that he works there, but his cocktails suck and I'm mad that he's the one that got picked for the show I don't know how we even got that in the first place yeah there's so many great bartenders do you know if they're going to be doing more seasons of that?
Speaker 1:I don't, bro. I would love if you guys submitted your application.
Speaker 2:No, I'm not on that level, dude, do it. Yeah, I'm not even there, I dude.
Speaker 3:I couldn't do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not even there, I could do it, I could, do it, I could do it and then just fucking underwhelm a bunch of people.
Speaker 2:I think I can make it, no.
Speaker 3:You know who underwhelmed the TikTok star who, just like, made regular-ass fucking cocktails. She made like an Aperol Spritz for her competition and got eliminated on the first round.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I eliminated on the first round.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think I'd at least make it to like the third round, but then I'm out. Yeah, I don't think I could win, but I'd have a lot of fun trying. Yeah, like hanging out. But also they give you an hour to make some crazy shit.
Speaker 2:Like that's a long time to make four yeah, but when they give you the challenge and they're like you have to do this molecular shit, I'd be like I'm out yeah, he could? I can't quit. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck this shit is.
Speaker 3:Then you also have an hour to figure out how to do that molecular shit too. I guess I have the books for it.
Speaker 1:Bro, you guys should just do some molecular shit, just because, dude, I believe, bro, I've never really been into that. Yeah, that's fair it hasn't interested me.
Speaker 2:I just like making a good cocktail. Yeah, it hasn't interested me. Yeah, I just like making a good cocktail.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't like doing all the extra. Yeah, you're like, I don't want to be the best cocktail maker in the world no, I just want to.
Speaker 2:I just, if you sit at my bar, I'll just make you a good cocktail, exactly. Yeah, you're there, brother. I think the molecular shit like.
Speaker 3:It's also incremental how much it improves a drink. You know it's mostly aesthetic, it's mostly for show, it's mostly for like a cool story and experience.
Speaker 2:But actual like yeah, it's definitely on the drink minimal.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's definitely more for show than it is for taste right, you might perfect a cocktail with molecular shit, yeah, but you're still gonna have good cocktails without it, like even on the show.
Speaker 2:What they did like just vermouth bubbles in a martini. I'll just put vermouth in a martini. You're just adding an experience rather than a drink. You're making the cocktail an experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:I'm just making a cocktail.
Speaker 3:It'll taste just as good, but the experience will be different.
Speaker 1:What did you make me last night, Norm?
Speaker 3:Also, I would love to learn how to acid balance. I made you a lavender gin cocktail. What was the recipe? Oh, with the syrup.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, like one of the homies that worked for Centauri, beam Centauri, he brought us in like he came in like a while ago and was like hey, I got this like ube stuff that I can bring in for you if you want to mess around. And I was like yeah, for sure. And he came in like two days ago and then he was like I have ube and lavender stuff for you and I was like all right, cool. So me and keegan, the last day we worked together, we were just like fucking around making a bunch of shit. And I mean my first, my first thought with the lavender thing, I was like I'm just going to make a really simple gin cocktail because lavender and gin go really well together, and so I just did like Hendrix gin, lime juice, the lavender syrup and St Germain and then egg whites, and that was what you made last night.
Speaker 1:That's what I made you. Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2:That's good, super simple.
Speaker 3:I did. What did I do? I think I used mezcal in that one and I did like lavender mezcal and I turned it into a spritz.
Speaker 2:And I used club soda. Oh yeah, that was good, that was good. Yeah that was fun. And then I made this like ube scotch cocktail that actually one of our coworkers ended up liking a lot and he came in the same night you were there and he just was at a table, um, and he was like, hey, can you make me one of those things again? So I made him one of those.
Speaker 2:I did like ube and a peated scotch and, uh, lemon juice and amaretto interesting and I shook that, yeah, I kind of just took the idea of a godfather and I was like I bet if you put ube and a godfather it'd be pretty good godfather godfather's literally just equal parts scotch and almeredo. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:That's what. It is, super simple. Yeah, I've gotten that like twice on. Both times I've been like absolutely, sir Dude yeah, it's good. And I was just hoping in my head that we had whatever was in a godfather.
Speaker 2:Because I, I was like I don't know, it's honestly good, it's just like a sweet scotch, but I held face.
Speaker 1:I held face on them. I was like you got it, dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you got it man. And then if I saw that, we didn't have an ingredient I was going to be like oh dude, we just right now. I made one for the last table. I thought we had enough.
Speaker 1:Somebody must have pulled the back up and like I don't know, we don't have any more. I'm so sorry. Could I get you something else?
Speaker 3:I've never made a Godfather. I haven't had to Stirred in a glass.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I usually just build it in a bucket glass and I use a normal ice and then I garnish it with a lemon peel. Lemon peel yeah, it's super simple. It's good, though. I mean it tastes good.
Speaker 3:Yeah, man.
Speaker 2:Like a.
Speaker 3:Negroni Three ingredients equal parts. Easy, I love that shit, dude Last word. Four ingredients equal parts.
Speaker 1:We got an alcohol-free Negroni delivered at work and I'm not gonna lie, it wasn't bad bro. It definitely wasn't a Negroni, but it had qualities about it that tasted like a Negroni and it didn't taste horrible. I was like, yeah, I like the taste of that.
Speaker 3:It's not bad yeah.
Speaker 1:And an alcohol-free.
Speaker 3:Aperol Spritz.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:It's this other company, I don't know. I didn't catch the company name. I just, honestly, they had it while we were busy in service. They poured me a taste and they were like dude, try this alcohol-free.
Speaker 2:And it was good Nice.
Speaker 3:Anyway yeah, mocktails, piss me off if if you come into the bar and you order a mocktail. I'm like you mean juice. You better be pregnant you mean juice? Even if you're pregnant, it's like you better fucking just take a shot and kill the baby. You know all right, don't do that, don't do that.
Speaker 2:Don't kill the baby unless you need to or really want to, or really want to or you're just like yeah, I don't know I don't know how I feel today.
Speaker 3:Maybe I don't want the baby today. Then you get rid of it and you're like, ah fuck, I did want it and just go make another one, super easy, and you get to have sex again. You want some more. Yeah, sure I'll take some more Ski Ski. Zachy boy, how you doing?
Speaker 1:I'm good, I'll take a dash more. I'm gonna go check on these dogs really quick.
Speaker 2:I just want to let them out before they fucking eat each other's ass.
Speaker 3:They're probably eating each other's ass right now. My dog loves eating ass usually just mine, but she might, she might be reese's ass right now. Look at those three completely different sized pores. I'm a good bartender, yeah dude, you did your job.
Speaker 2:Yes, I did, that's all that matters. You did it. You did it poorly, but you did it, I did it poorly Are you going to?
Speaker 3:go check on the dogs.
Speaker 1:I decided against it. Good job.
Speaker 3:Oh man, I hope everything's okay out there.
Speaker 1:No, I'll go check. I'll go check.
Speaker 3:You said it and I was like I hope lila took a shit on your carpet. I hope she didn't.
Speaker 3:I really hope keegan has to pay for you to get your carpet replaced although she did she shit on my carpet today she's on my rug and I was nice, she's been a little bit of a poop lately, but I think it's because I've just been working so much pooping yeah, I've been working so much dude and just like staying so busy that I haven't. Well, I've still been a good dog dad to her when I, when I can like I've been over over what's the word compensating for? For the time that I have to spend away from her?
Speaker 3:so like when I do spend time with her. Took her to the park with zach, uh, took her to lunch, uh, you know, making sure she gets out, taking her to my parents house to make sure she plays with the other dogs. So I've been doing the most, but also there have been days that I've that I work just a lot and then I come home and I don't want to do shit. You know, yeah, I just want to hang out, I just want to play games. That's me every day. I just want to smoke some weed and like, relax, smoke weed every day. You smoke weed on 420. No, no, bummer, I barely got to. I smoked weed with you guys because you stayed. You came over for game night and 420 420.
Speaker 3:That was the next day, but like you guys come over at like midnight so yep yep, I got a little bit of that, and then I woke up the next day and I can't.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I was at the card show that day.
Speaker 3:That's what I was down no, no, that was 420, that was it, yeah, that was joe martin birthday.
Speaker 2:That's how I remember that I was at the car show all day because I was off.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I didn't wait, that was saturday uh, I can't smoke weed in the day because it'll just like set a pace for the rest of my day. I'll just be sluggish and kind of like dumb for the rest of the day so I have to do it after work, when I get home, and like it's like a little treat almost yeah, you know I feel, it, but uh, so I didn't get to do that.
Speaker 3:And then I worked and I had we had that one stupid ass customer that came in five minutes before we closed. Yeah, mr milk the milk man, this motherfucker drinks milk with his spaghetti milk.
Speaker 2:Man drinking milk with dude, he's like a 45 year old guy orders a pint glass of milk with spaghetti he had three. He had three pints of yeah dude, he'd be doing that shit, that's just I go to michelle, I go, hey, do we?
Speaker 3:is it free refills on milk? And she's like I don't know. I was like I'm going to say no, and then I charged him for all three pints of milk.
Speaker 2:I didn't charge him for his last time he was in, but it's because I forgot. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm like you, do not you stop drinking all the damn milk that guy sucks though, dude. Here's the thing, right? Here's the thing about this particular customer. He comes in five minutes before we close. He stays an hour later and nobody else will talk to him or interact. There's nobody else at the bar.
Speaker 2:He's on his phone.
Speaker 3:And I'm like don't you have Wi-Fi at home, bitch.
Speaker 2:Dude, he literally just sits on it. He finishes eating and drinking his milk. In like five minutes and then he just sits on his phone for like 45 minutes.
Speaker 3:Nobody else is, even in the restaurant.
Speaker 2:It's just me and this guy. He just has his headphones in and he sits on his phone.
Speaker 3:And you're making me stay there so that you can.
Speaker 2:He must have a shit home life. Maybe he still lives with his parents or something.
Speaker 3:Well, he's making my work life shit.
Speaker 2:I mean because he's drinking milk like he's still growing boy.
Speaker 3:He is a big man.
Speaker 2:And our portions are too small for him.
Speaker 3:And he gets like the most, the biggest, like a lasagna we eat. Our lasagna is like a fucking brick. Okay, like it is, it is probably four inches tall and four and it's a cube. It's like a four by four piece of lasagna and he just eats the whole thing and he's like that's too small. It's like the size of my hand. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, bitch, that's because you weigh 800 pounds and your hand is fucking huge. It's like saying it's as big as King Kong's hand. Anywho, zach, you were going to say something.
Speaker 3:Damn bro what did I come back to? I'm talking shit about this guy who ruined my night the other night and then today, if I'm gonna complain, if I'm gonna keep complaining no, I'm just kidding, no, but like today, you know, I was working and then, uh, it was kind of slow in the morning and they're like all right, we're gonna cut everybody except for keegan. You get the whole restaurant. Have fun, buddy. Uh, so if any tables come in, they're yours.
Speaker 3:And I'm like bitch, I'm a bartender, I do not serve tables yeah, and then I just take a hat there and then I had to stay an hour late again because I had to tend some tables that came in like 10 minutes before I was supposed to get off again and I was like I hate this. This is stupid. I've already been working a bunch and now you guys are just dragging it out for no reason I hate serving tables so much.
Speaker 2:If I ever have to, I always give them mid-service on purpose.
Speaker 3:Mid I'm like don't come back.
Speaker 2:I literally just walk up to the table. I go waters for everyone, I don't even introduce myself.
Speaker 3:You don't even ask if they want something else.
Speaker 2:Don't say hello, I don't, no, not right away. I just go waters for everyone and usually they say yes and I walk by and then you just go yell at a busser to eat four waters. Hey, waters 203.
Speaker 3:I didn't even have a bus on it because the busser, it was me and one table, and the bus was like can I do? You need me? I was like, no, get out of here, I'll suffer, I'll suffer by myself. Yeah, also, I don't like having a busser because that's another person I gotta pay out and if I just do everything myself, I make an extra five bucks, because that's pretty much all the work a busser does.
Speaker 2:And my favorite thing is, like the at the least personable you are to a table, the harder it is for them to get your, to get your attention and shit. Yeah, you don't tell them your name, no, you don't tell them what you're doing, but then they go hide in the back. A bunch, a bunch, yeah, bunch as much. You stay out of line of sight for sure.
Speaker 3:I was just in the manager's office just like playing pokemon on my phone, because there's this new app that allows you to emulate pokemon roms.
Speaker 2:Finally, dude sick as fuck finally accessible on the I've been paying pokemon blue for a while now, but now I'm gonna switch over to play uh white that's crazy, that you started with blue? Yeah, just because I was like I haven't played the OG Pokemon for fucking ever, yeah. So I was like let me just download blue and let me get started on a run.
Speaker 3:I would have started with. Well, I started with Emerald, because you got me this copy of Emerald from Japan that I can't play because I don't have a Game Boy, but I've been itching to play.
Speaker 2:Emer, like I said, if they would have had a better price, one in Portland, I probably would have bought it, but they're taxing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, bro, they were taxing. That's because there are no taxes, right? Yeah, there's no sales.
Speaker 2:That was the coolest thing, like I forgot about. We landed and there's a bar out of our gate and Michelle was like so shots? And I was like, all right, fuck it. So, all took a shot and it was like 27 exactly.
Speaker 3:I was like this is sick, so there's no tax on anything, no, nothing, no food, drinks.
Speaker 2:How does that state exist, dude? I mean, there's a couple states that don't have sales tax. I think let's look them up. I'm not entirely sure, but I'm pretty sure there's a couple states no sales where are we vacationing?
Speaker 3:but uh yeah, it's pretty dope, so it's like you're saving money when you travel because we don't have tax on like grocery, on like food and uh beverage, I believe but we do have sales in nevada, like if you go to, uh, buy a thing of strawberries at walmart, then there's no, there's tax on that.
Speaker 2:There isn't supposed to be.
Speaker 3:No, there's definitely tax on that or maybe it's if they only I think it's on non-essentials yeah, I don't know there's definitely tax on that shit dude, let's look up our tax code right now. Fucking maybe run that okay five states with no sales test.
Speaker 1:It's alaska, delaware, montana, new hampshire and oregon I don't give a fuck about any of those we don't have. We don't have income tax. Yeah, we don't have, we don't and we don't.
Speaker 3:Alaska no, alaska would be fun. Alaska might be fun, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's where most serial killers live Delaware no, Fun fact.
Speaker 3:Per capita, the most serial killers live.
Speaker 2:There's definitely a good amusement park in either New Hampshire or Delaware, and I forget which one it is.
Speaker 3:I think it's Delaware. It might be Delaware. There's a good amusement park. I'm going to be honest, I forgot Delaware was a state. Good for you, yeah, yeah, good job. Like if you were to say name all 50, I think I'd get 49 and forget delaware. I really do.
Speaker 1:I forget every time alaska has the most killers in it.
Speaker 2:You said serial killers per capita. Really they hate, re hate Reese's Puffs over there.
Speaker 3:That's crazy, oh you.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's it.
Speaker 3:I thought you were going to expand on it a little.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, it is crazy oh you just got to kill somebody just to get the heart pumping out there. There you go.
Speaker 2:You know what I found out from these ladies at the bar the other day these ladies told me I didn't know because they asked me where I was from and I told them I lived in Jacksonville for a while. And she was like did you know? Jacksonville is technically the largest city in the United States.
Speaker 3:Like square footage yeah.
Speaker 2:Like Jacksonville is the largest, Huh. And I was like really. And she was like, yeah, I was like dude, I lived there for 10 years. I've never been told that.
Speaker 3:So told that, so I don't know if she's lying but, she's like no, someone told me that.
Speaker 2:Oh well, that's it says new york, but that's population yeah, by area she's from.
Speaker 3:No, it's sitka in alaska. The fuck is a sitka.
Speaker 2:Oh, maybe it's on the continental united states, is it uh? Genoa anchorage those are all alaska, jacksonville's fifth yeah, those are the first four are all Alaska. So maybe it is the continental. United States, oklahoma City is eighth oh wow, that's kind of Shout out okay.
Speaker 3:And then Houston, and then Phoenix. Phoenix is 10.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's cool, so she wasn't lying then.
Speaker 3:No, probably not yeah.
Speaker 2:They were from Alaska, alaska, they were from New Orleans, yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So Alaska is just big, because I don't, why did we buy Alaska? We got in a good deal, right, yeah? Someone was like hey, you want Alaska for pennies? And we were like yeah why not?
Speaker 1:I want a penguin.
Speaker 2:Nope, I don't think I don't.
Speaker 3:I don't think you should or can Do penguins live in Alaska. I don't think so.
Speaker 2:I don't think you can have a penguin as a pet either Antarctica, bro, I was thinking. Antarctica, you can in.
Speaker 1:Hawaii.
Speaker 2:I don't know. Good to know. I don't know, I made that up.
Speaker 1:You can have a penguin anywhere you go, brother.
Speaker 2:No, you probably need a license, hey you hide that motherfucker well enough.
Speaker 3:No, in Alaska.
Speaker 1:You hide that motherfucker well enough, and no one will ever know.
Speaker 3:There's a meason though, big old, big old, fucking meason Just get Danny.
Speaker 2:Just trap Danny DeVito in a cage and make him do his role from Batman.
Speaker 3:From Batman.
Speaker 2:Well then, he's going to bite your nose off. No, you trap him in a cage so he can't.
Speaker 3:Yeah but, you get ready for that I?
Speaker 2:don't know. It depends how well he keeps in character that's true.
Speaker 3:Maybe you catch him when he's waking up.
Speaker 2:He's not quite there yet you need a cup of coffee, penguin.
Speaker 3:He's like I'm danny devito and you're like no, the fuck, you're not, I think I think you keep him like that for a year and then you put him back in the wild and then he's just gonna be the penguin. For that would be cool. He can't go back. It's something in his psyche stops him. The next season of it's always sunny, it just features the penguin dude, that would be so funny and he just thinks that philadelphia is gotham city. That'd be so funny that would be funny.
Speaker 3:Make that happen yeah, make it happen. Hey, it's always sunny. Guys hire us, we're good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, dude oh yeah, dude, I just want to be friends with rob mcclain that's crazy.
Speaker 3:I just want to be friends with charlie day yeah, dude.
Speaker 2:Oh man, it'd be well rob mcclain. He gets me to ryan reynolds.
Speaker 3:So true, yeah and uh, charlie day gets me some good laughs, yeah, for sure charlie day is so funny dude he's so fucking funny yeah, my god it would imagine being friends with rob mcclain.
Speaker 2:He hugh jackman and ryan reynolds.
Speaker 3:I just don't know how much fun would that be, though I just don't like soccer, yeah, but how much fun would that be, they'd probably want to watch soccer, and then I wouldn't Sometimes.
Speaker 2:Then I wouldn't have fun, you're telling me you wouldn't go to England and get drunk at a footy game. Come on, bro. I mean I would Dude, that'd be fun. That'd be fun for free, you know, I might like and then the next day you wake up and drink coffee for free.
Speaker 3:I heard that he was a coffee company.
Speaker 2:Ryan Reynolds sold his steak and I don't think so, because they just dropped a dead pool thing, so there's no way he did.
Speaker 3:I mean, there's a way there's no way. Maybe he's just not majority shareholder.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he might not be. Majority definitely still has a foot in the company. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if Rob McElhinney does anything outside of.
Speaker 3:Wrecks them. Yeah, I mean, that's a pretty big one, so the fact that he could afford that in general is pretty crazy. Yeah pretty tight. The third point you can just go buy a soccer team. If you're rich and famous, you can go buy anything as long as you have enough money.
Speaker 2:Isn't that wild? Yeah, that's wild. Yeah, magic Johnson owns like five sports teams, oh really. And eights, yeah, he's like Dodgers Lakers, Really Sparks. He's not the sole owner, but he's like a owner, huh, like he has stakes and everything he owns. Fuck, he owns a hockey team too, I think. And dude he, yeah, imagine if he owns like five sports teams. That's cool Dude he's fucking yeah, loaded.
Speaker 3:And he found the cure for AIDS and won't share it. Yeah, he did. Yeah, fucking selfish prick, yeah you fucking, how about you take your Magic Johnson and Stick it in my?
Speaker 2:ass.
Speaker 1:Give me AIDS. What Do we end the episode?
Speaker 3:You heard it here first, you heard it here first Give Norm AIDS.
Speaker 1:Damn, that was a crazy shit First person to give me AIDS gets $5,000. That was a crazy shit I've heard.
Speaker 2:No, that was a joke. For legal reasons, that's a joke.
Speaker 3:No, not even for legal reasons. That was a joke For legal reasons that's a joke.
Speaker 2:No, not even for legal reasons. That was a joke.
Speaker 1:Yeah, please don't give.
Speaker 3:Norm.
Speaker 1:AIDS, I swear to.
Speaker 2:God if someone stabs me with a needle in the next week I'm going to be so mad. Yeah, dude you've got to stab this guy. But then I can just convince Chris that I cheated on her instead With a man. Yeah, and then we can end it all.
Speaker 3:And then I get my boy back. Alright, I'm back on board with this plan. Let's do it.
Speaker 2:Someone give me AIDS.
Speaker 3:You know how you went somewhere.
Speaker 1:Do not give me AIDS which? Is it.
Speaker 2:Don't. No, I'm being serious about the don't. I was just being funny earlier. I feel like the joke landed.
Speaker 3:It did.
Speaker 2:So don't do it, please, please don't Give me AIDS. Zach shut up.
Speaker 1:Wait.
Speaker 3:Please don't give me AIDS.
Speaker 2:Oh, I was so close, I'm gonna fuck that one up Between don't and give me AIDS. Yeah, I know, I almost messed that up, zach what's this book with a boob on it?
Speaker 3:That's not a boob, that's a record. That's a boob, it's a record. Circle, circle, dot, dot.
Speaker 2:Now you get your coochie shot. Dude, I used to jack off to my own hand-drawn pictures of titties, really no.
Speaker 3:Damn it.
Speaker 2:That'd be fucking weird. I don't think, guys, dude, if I was a rule, if I could draw that well, and then digitally, if I was Jacob, right now I'd just be drawing titties.
Speaker 3:I gotta ask you I gotta ask the audience here If you can draw porn. How horny do you have to be for how long to get that picture out? Because I feel like if you bust a nut halfway through, you're gonna be like I don't want to draw this anymore.
Speaker 2:You know, I feel like you got to be horny the whole time, finish the drawing and you got to be bricked up.
Speaker 1:That is a truly original thought, bro. I have never pondered that one john mercy, like butt naked.
Speaker 2:You got to be bricked up the whole time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you do and you, and that's like hours, man yeah that's hours so
Speaker 2:crazy, like whoever carved david out of all that marble that gets me horny thinking about it though about people getting like I, I almost yeah, I want to watch a documentary about people drawing porn because I think it would get me off it'd be about 14 year olds that are really talented no, it can't be. They got to be at least 16. Okay, in las vegas, all right. Yes, 18 on the internet, though, right, I don't know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think they have to be, I think, 16 in Vegas, because when you log on to Pornhub, they're like are you 18? Yeah, that's new.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but RedTube is always done.
Speaker 3:It's how I'm used to it. It's unfortunate that, like I noticed yeah, I noticed too, I was like oh shit, they're doing this.
Speaker 2:They updated, RedTube had been doing that though there's an update to Pornhub today. Very cool yeah, Zach. Go on Pornhub, You'll see it.
Speaker 3:Hey, guys log in.
Speaker 2:New update to Pornhub today. They asked you if you're 18. It was like, even if I wasn't 18, I'm still hitting yes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like I was jacking off when Iage. But like it's like when I'm looking up alcohol companies and they're like are you 21?
Speaker 2:I'm like yeah, of course and yeah, if you weren't, you're not gonna say you're not. No, fuck, I can't get on the website like when's your birthday? You're like oh man the internet dude.
Speaker 3:Isn't it crazy that uh I I forget that you got to be 21 to buy cigarettes and vapes and shit oh, it's it's 21?
Speaker 2:I thought it was 18.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's crazy. It turned 21, probably like five years ago.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, so it's somewhat recent. Yeah, because, yeah, I don't buy those things. So it's like I rarely think about it.
Speaker 3:But I just remember hearing about it. And now kids have vapes. I'm like how'd you get that? You gotta be 21 now, dude yeah that's a fake id just to buy a vop. It's wild. Yeah, yeah, which I guess makes sense. But I mean like also yeah, how come you can only be 18 when you join the military? You should be 21, fuck it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, imagine going war, almost getting shot in the head and you can't have a drink yet. Can you imagine the?
Speaker 3:quality of our soldiers if we upped the age to 21? They'd have more mental stability because they'd have that time in between 18 and 21, three years after high school that they'd have to take that time to do whatever they wanted work, go to school, just develop themselves and then they could join the military if they still wanted to. And then you would know that you're having soldiers that are out there doing it because it's what they want to do, not because it's their only option.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying that makes sense to me or at least drop the, the drinking age and all that shit. It's like if we're gonna send them off to war, treat them like a man, you know right yeah, either make everything 18 or make everything 21, no, driving the drinking age 18.
Speaker 2:I feel like it's sketched just because, like you're so dumb when you're everyone else in the world does it though. Yeah, they're gonna just be. I feel like I don't know everyone in europe. I was gonna say I feel like driving here while drunk, though, is way more of a problem than everywhere else though Not in Germany.
Speaker 3:You got the Autobahn.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you know that would be a good time. Yeah, yeah, Sign me up.
Speaker 3:Get me drunk and let me go. 120 miles an hour, I'm down.
Speaker 2:Hunter Ruggs did it. We can do it too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and he did it here yeah, hey, oh no.
Speaker 2:Fucking I don't know. Fucking piece of shit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's your dad's neighbor.
Speaker 2:Or was, I don't know if it still is.
Speaker 3:I don't think he lives there anymore. Yeah, I don't think he lives anywhere. Fucking douche. Go live under a bridge, you fucking murderer, I mean he should just be dead.
Speaker 2:Wrap him up, ship him off.
Speaker 3:What, what is he going to do? Try to cancel me. Dude killed a guy Girl.
Speaker 2:I don't know, he might end up back in the NFL in a few years. You never fucking know those guys.
Speaker 3:I mean, how good is he? He was pretty fucking good, all right.
Speaker 2:His rookie season was fire dude. Yeah, he was cooking.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they should get OJ back in there now. Oh man.
Speaker 2:RIP, really RI, great football player, bro, we rushed for like 280 yards in one game.
Speaker 1:I was like this is fucking crazy. How funny is it, though, that the ghost of oj simpson just entered into the comedy pool. You know, you could make. You could make so many jokes with the ghost of oj simpson yeah, people already were doing it yeah, it's already everywhere I mean, listen, day one of a tragedy.
Speaker 3:You're, you're I'm in there yeah, I'm immediately cracking jokes, uh, and I love watching other comedians do it too. It's so funny. Anytime there's a tragedy, any mass shooting, any uh you know terrorist attack, celebrity dying, whatever, just day one, the celebrity or the comedians are coming out hot with the good shit. Yeah, it's true, jokes are funniest on the first day.
Speaker 3:I think, yeah, the quicker you can get a haha out of it, the better it's true, you're wrong but also like maybe I should wait a little bit longer, because one time there was a guy actively having a seizure in the restaurant and I just walked in the back and said someone ordered the seizure salad and uh, they were like, are you gonna call the cops? And I was like, wait, I got a couple more, yeah it seems like a manager's job.
Speaker 2:Anyway, I would have just I just would have rang in a caesar salad and then I would have brought it out to the paramedics as they were handing them oh, you said seizure, oh my bad, my bad that'd be so fucking funny dude that would be hella fun oh man, you just dump it on him, fuck that guy.
Speaker 3:Just make his day a little worse yeah. I got to do this out of my throat, hey that's not funny, by the way, or something, what I don't know.
Speaker 2:I'm just trying to cover our tracks here by saying Zach's already been cancelled, so we're good, oh yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh, you should be, I'm a good young man. If Zach hasn't been canceled, then I'm incancelable I'm a good young man you're a good boy, who's a good boy, who's a good boy?
Speaker 2:I'm a good boy. Do you shake your leg really fast? If I scratch in the right spot, nobody shakes his ass when I tell him he's a good boy. Hell yeah, brother.
Speaker 3:How are the dogs, by the way, dead?
Speaker 1:They're good, no poopies, nope, no poopies. Nice, they're fucking, they're juiced up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're not poopies, because they're dead.
Speaker 1:They're on max speed right now.
Speaker 2:I killed them Good With my stinky farts.
Speaker 3:I'm tired of having responsibility.
Speaker 1:Get me back to the irresponsible life, I once had. Yeah, I feel it.
Speaker 3:All right Well we did it. We did it again. Anybody got a? Let's see. Norm already said to fuck him in the ass and give him AIDS.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't say fuck me in the ass. I told Magic Johnson to. But then I said somebody give me AIDS.
Speaker 3:Right, Usually probably it could be a needle. Could be a dirty needle, probably.
Speaker 2:But don't give me AIDS. It was a joke. Yeah, Zach.
Speaker 3:I said some crazy shit about I don't know something. At some point, zach, I think you're the only one due for a little outburst here.
Speaker 1:I've got nothing bad to say. You see, you want to try and get me canceled right now.
Speaker 2:I'm not trying. You try to get yourself canceled all the time.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to fall for it. Have a good night everybody.
Speaker 2:Say that in a word. It's been a really long time. It's been a beautiful podcast.
Speaker 1:Thank you for joining us here. Beautiful podcast.
Speaker 2:Thank you for joining us here at. You Got Mail, All right we're out.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right. All right, you want to go?
Speaker 2:No, you go.
Speaker 1:No, all right, we're out of here. Thank you, you.